Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Noah's Progress: Getting Rolling

It finally happened...again...

Noah has had a long struggle with rolling over. And a couple months back we thought he had figured it out. But after a full day of rolling (back to front) he just forgot how. But today after much practice with mom and dad as well as a couple therapists, he got it! 

He is a little behind on this developmental milestone. But not so far behind that it raises too many concerns. At least in my mind. Now our biggest developmental concern is his sitting. He still struggles to balance himself while unsupported. Though i will say he is getting better and better. 

Noah is also having some trouble gaining weight still. We are now supplementing his breast milk with formula in an attempt to help him pack on some pounds. He has essentially plateaued in his growth and we need to make sure that he grows properly so that he can focus all of his energy on his development. A healthy baby learns best! 

But i must say that though there is still a long way to go, i am less worried about a serious cognitive disorder than i was in the past. In the past week alone i have watched Noah learn that he can make several new noises and then use them frequently. He is increasingly aware of his surroundings. Knows his parents apart from strangers VERY well, but shows great interest in every new thing he comes across. And at this stage of the game those are all great signs. We will never know how well his brain was able to "rewire" after the damage of HIE was done. At least not until much later in the game. However, as of today i am (cautiously) optimistic about his outlook. Which puts my heart and mind at a bit of rest.

It is hard to describe how it feels to have all of this uncertainty about your childs future. Granted no parent knows just how their kid will turn out in the end. But having something like "moderate" brain damage looming over your every thought really makes things a bit harder. I can't recall a day that there wasn't at least one moment of sad realization. A moment where i thought "Noah might never be able to do  "_____".  Most of the time it is something simple. Like when i sat there and thought about how fun it would be to take guitar lessons with him when he gets older so we could both learn together...but then realized that there is a very strong possibility that will never happen...Because you need two fully functioning hands for that. This and so many other moments have come that just bring a sinking feeling to my chest and a sting to my eyes. 

However, these moments of sadness don't begin to compare to the joy i feel when he does something for the first time. All the times i see his face light up when i walk in the room. Or when he laughs out loud at one of our pets and reaches for them so he can pet them. Those moments will always outweigh the sad times. But the sadness is still there, no matter how well i dress it up and hide it as optimism. 

HIE and cerebral palsy are not just a struggle for the child, but for the parent as well. Every parent wants what is best for their child. For their child to never know pain or disappointment. This is of course impossible, but just knowing that there is little you can do to protect your child from these feelings hurts...

Again, things are going well for Noah these days. I guess i just needed to vent some of my inner turmoil. Maybe the good times just give us time to reflect on the things we have suppressed in the bad times...who knows.

One day at a time...

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the update on Noah. I wouldn't rule out playing guitar just yet you never know when that time comes what he will be like or how he will be. Good luck and I hope for many more positive moments for Noah.


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